The Relationship Fairy

I don’t know what point I was trying to make yesterday, because it sounded V Grand in my head, and then – oh, well, anyway I hope it makes some sense.

The Relationship Fairy (RF)
‘So, about this hurt heart thing?’ RF
‘Yes?’ Me
‘Well, I’ve had a look, and you’ll be glad to know your heart has not landed splat on the ground. In fact, I put a trampoline there just in case. It cushions the blow.’ RF
‘Oh, Ok.’ Me
‘And the thing is that very soon you’re going to get asked out on a date.’ RF
‘Oh, right, Ok.’ Me
‘Right indeed. Fine. Now you’ll be needing this.’ RF
‘What is that?’ Me
‘Well it’s sellotape – in case part of your heart falls off and lands in your lap during the date. Just slap a bit of that on - you’ll be fine.’ RF
‘Blimey.’ Me.

Version Two – The horse of love.

Once upon a time you went for a very giddy ride on the horse of love. No saddle, no reins, and oh crap, you landed in a great bit pile of thorny thorns. Very very bad. In fact, a right pain in the epidermis, because the horse took you to the thorns several times before, and you said specifically, don’t take me to the thorns you damn steed, and the horse went la lee la lee la, and you went – you are FIRED horse of love.

Behold, in the field of thorns a pile of onions came beside you, and took off their coats, and you went – oh NO, the bit where I now cry my entire body weight. Yes, said the onions – and here is a book to write in and get the story of the thorns out into.

Behold even more – the onions summoned another horse, and the horse said – come on, let’s go, and the onions shouted;

Do not fear! Get back on a horse! We will always be here if you need cathartic food.

Except the littlest onion for he was frightened of being engulfed by real teeth, and he opted out of the whole you can eat me for solace and to help you reyhdrate thing.

ThE EnD