The Relationship Fairy

I don’t know what point I was trying to make yesterday, because it sounded V Grand in my head, and then – oh, well, anyway I hope it makes some sense.

The Relationship Fairy (RF)
‘So, about this hurt heart thing?’ RF
‘Yes?’ Me
‘Well, I’ve had a look, and you’ll be glad to know your heart has not landed splat on the ground. In fact, I put a trampoline there just in case. It cushions the blow.’ RF
‘Oh, Ok.’ Me
‘And the thing is that very soon you’re going to get asked out on a date.’ RF
‘Oh, right, Ok.’ Me
‘Right indeed. Fine. Now you’ll be needing this.’ RF
‘What is that?’ Me
‘Well it’s sellotape – in case part of your heart falls off and lands in your lap during the date. Just slap a bit of that on - you’ll be fine.’ RF
‘Blimey.’ Me.

Version Two – The horse of love.

Once upon a time you went for a very giddy ride on the horse of love. No saddle, no reins, and oh crap, you landed in a great bit pile of thorny thorns. Very very bad. In fact, a right pain in the epidermis, because the horse took you to the thorns several times before, and you said specifically, don’t take me to the thorns you damn steed, and the horse went la lee la lee la, and you went – you are FIRED horse of love.

Behold, in the field of thorns a pile of onions came beside you, and took off their coats, and you went – oh NO, the bit where I now cry my entire body weight. Yes, said the onions – and here is a book to write in and get the story of the thorns out into.

Behold even more – the onions summoned another horse, and the horse said – come on, let’s go, and the onions shouted;

Do not fear! Get back on a horse! We will always be here if you need cathartic food.

Except the littlest onion for he was frightened of being engulfed by real teeth, and he opted out of the whole you can eat me for solace and to help you reyhdrate thing.

ThE EnD

Concussion of the heart

Hearts really should come equipped with crash helmets. Then they wouldn’t get concussed so easily. See, that is what I have right now –concussion of the heart.
It’s kind of a shocking sensation and you wonder how you will cope with the bruises, and the swelling and the way the room seems too far away to focus on.

But, I’ve checked the warrantee and you can’t get a crash helmet, ever. In fact, you have to keep using your heart, even when it’s out of order. It’s the love law, or some crap like that.

In fact – you have to still keep loving, hoping and dreaming – even in the middle of concussion.

Like who decided that?!

I have been told I cannot do respite care on the basis of a doctors opinion I’ve never met. I protested. Now, I have to go to my GP, who apparently knows me very well, and be asked a huge amount of questions, and even have the size of my hips measured and recorded! I’m a woman – I have hips – but they don’t need labelled. Maybe I’ll get anaesthetic.

My heart must be like – ok, is there a reason you have to keep chucking me out of large buildings to see if I bounce? Life is an odd fish – all I know is I really believe I was meant to ask about respite – and maybe it’s to open up another opportunity.

After years of saying – but I am disabled, I really am – it’s an odd thing to be confronted medically with – yes, you are, and we need to see if you actually can do this. I am torn between defending what I can’t do – and defending – actually I’m really, really good at this.

Yes, I am ill, but yes, I am able. This week, I dealt with the police and social work again - and found that I have adapted over time to being able to do it without palpitations and sleeplessness. Playwork is a difficult job at times – because sometimes you have to involve a high level of adult intervention and yet make it look all normal. Luckily, I got a good game of Blood Soup with the littler pixies this week to fortify my creative inner, ‘please can we just play games instead of do real life’ child.