Celebrations

Yesterday, we went to replace my unique but temporary mood ring with a very fairysparkle ring from the jewellers. Having informed my fiance that I would spend ages and ages choosing - it was the first ring I saw and tried on that I loved. As I said to him, once I find something that I love, then that's it in my head. Much, much walking around all day going, 'oooh, very sparkly.' Most of my choice came from the part of me that could be easily distracted by a packet of glitter.

In the evening we went to a Wild West night hosted by his family at his church. Three squaws versus a predominance of cowboys, including some more senior members enjoying the gun and gangster clothes maybe just a bit too much.

A wave of generosity in terms of gifts, best wishes, and offers of help has opened out to us from both of our families and friends that we have found overwhelming. It is deeply touching to be on the receiving end. Of course the loss of Dad is foremost in our hearts and minds right now. I know he would have enjoyed the celebrating, and planning.

Sitting one evening and writing a potential guest list was rather sobering. Actually seeing in writing that my family has lost both parents, all grandparents, and that we have only a few aunts and uncles was hard. I know I am blessed, I have a lovely brother and sister, and the families they have married into are loving, and fun. Being without both parents is a bit like riding a very big bike, and one that used to have two stabilisers. Its not impossible to ride without the stabilisers, but there is a memory of how good it was to have both together. There is a keen awareness that both our mum and dad provided a good home for their family, and a constant sense of disbelief that they cannot be contacted on the phone for a chat.

Everybody has a longing for a sense of home - it pulls us towards people, and decisions, and all sorts of coping mechanisms for the part of us that longs to belong and to feel settled. If a group around us feels safe and supportive then that is what makes life isn't it? So many people are valiantly trying to continue to grow a group of people around them right now, because for various reasons, that stable support around them has been shaken, sometimes very severely in their lives. Joining with another family just now is actually quite nerve wracking just now, as a family with three sisters and a mum and a dad who are all a bit crazy, and generous and fun is both welcome and taking time to get used to. It is a relief to know my future mother in law is also a believer in you can't really have too much shiny shiny glittery stuff in your life too.